So just what you wanted to hear; a story about my past. Yeah, it’s was just a typical Saturday night working at my local pizza shop. The tips I hade made that night gave me a decent feeling of success. Hey, I got to admit it does take some charm to make good tips delivering pizzas; that extra smile can go a long ways. Most of the time it goes pretty well, but on the other hand there are sometimes when it doesn’t go too smoothly. Here are two interesting examples from my experience as a pizza delivery driver…

Like the time I answered the door to find an older lady dressed in a bathrobe. Yeah, I can handle that, you were taking a shower and you didn’t expect such fast service, but perhaps you should tie your waist belt before answering the door. She swung it open in a manner which threw her rob around. My eyes bulge at a sight of a half naked female standing in front of me, but I suddenly go blind for a split second as I realize this woman is closer to three times as old as me, GOOOW.  Underneath her robe she’s only wearing panties and a bra. In no doubt I kept my cool (hey I still haven’t received my tip yet). She started up a conversation with me and I tried not to look at her as she just stood there leaning against the doorway everything on display. I just looked at her dog and occasionally made eye contact with her so she knew I was paying attention. She informed me of her life’s disappointments, why money isn’t “everything,” and how I should seek happiness instead of money. She then added the fact that she had drank too much Vodka that night (something I could have guessed right away). Nonetheless I patiently listened to her story for 5 minutes or so. Seeing that she could talk forever, I mentioned I had other pizzas waiting for delivery needed to go. I felt as though I was a psychiatrist, or simpler just a person she needed to talk to. Either way, I had surpassed my duties as a pizza delivery driver, haha. I didn’t mind because afterwards she handed me a check with 12 extra dollars on it. Score!

It was towards the end of the night shift and things were slowing down, so the manager on duty sent home all of the delivery drivers except for me. I was in the back “bullshitting” with the Mexicans practicing my horrible Spanish when all of a sudden there were a flood of pizza delivery orders. I believe there were 6 or 7 in total. On a typical delivery run I take about 3 maybe 4 pizzas, but only if the addresses are pretty close to each other. I click on the computer screen and take a look at the map. They were spread out over a decent distance. It was the last run of the night and since I already had made quite a bit of tips I was probably feeling a little cocky. They were all delivered successfully, except for…well maybe… the “hiccup” on the last one.

The customer lived in the luxurious gated community on the edge of town. When we make deliveries there we usually receive a huge tip, so I never mind making the journey. The problem was I was running a little late. Well, I guess 30 minutes is a little bit more than “a little late.” I ring the door bell and was greeted by a furious lawyer. He immediately took this as an offense to his defendant (his little starving daughter) and demanded I give the pizza to him for free. I backed away as he reached for it and told him to calm down, I would call my manager and see what I can do. I call the pizza shop and to my surprise, the manager isn’t there. There is only the 14 year old pizza maker working by himself, the guy I need to talk to is no where to be found. As frustrated as I now am, I still don’t have the authority to just give the pizza away for free. I make the guy pay and to no surprise he doesn’t give me a tip. When I finally return to the shop, the manager pulls up in his car. He jumps out with a smile on his face and flashes a $10 bill in front of my eyes. “What’s this?” I asked. He said while I was gone there was another order. Since I wouldn’t make it back in time he went ahead and took it, and the $10 was his tip. Man, did I get shafted.